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    The River says Hi

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    AsahiTanaka

    Posts : 13
    Join date : 2017-11-16
    Age : 21

    The River says Hi

    Post by AsahiTanaka on Tue Nov 21, 2017 6:40 pm

    Name: Mizu Ransu "Water Lance"
    Rank: D
    Power: D
    Activation Cost: 3
    Upkeep Cost: ---
    Range: 20m
    Speed: C
    Element: Water
    Skill: Ninjutsu
    Classification: Open
    Requirements: Preexisting Water Source
    Parent Technique: ---
    Hand Seals: Ram -> Horse -> Snake
    Description:
    Water Lance produces a line body of water from the water source at the target as it serves to slam onto the target. It's task is simply to stop the target's movement or to even ward off projectiles provided the user can react on time. It appears to be a rushing torrent of water as it crashes onto the target.


    Last edited by AsahiTanaka on Wed Nov 22, 2017 10:31 pm; edited 2 times in total (Reason for editing : Yes i intentionally made it open as it is a way for any Suiton users can work with. It is basic and easy to learn)
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    Masuyo Kaede
    Chuunin

    Posts : 791
    Join date : 2016-12-07

    Character File
    Skills & Elements: Fire | Earth | Wind | Bukijutsu | Ninjutsu | Taijutsu
    Class: B
    Ryo: 30,000

    Re: The River says Hi

    Post by Masuyo Kaede on Wed Nov 22, 2017 2:32 am

    @AsahiTanaka wrote:Name: Mizu Ransu "Water Lance"
    Rank: D
    Power: D
    Activation Cost: 3
    Upkeep Cost: ---
    Range: 20m
    Speed: D
    Element: Water
    Skill: Ninjutsu
    Classification: Open
    Requirements: Suiton & Ninjutsu Skill
    Parent Technique: ---
    Hand Seals: Ram -> Horse -> Snake
    Description:
    Water Lance produces a line body of water at the target as it serves to slam onto the target. It's task is simply to stop the target's movement or to even ward off projectiles provided the user can react on time. The lance has the potential to either knock the target(s) down to the ground in a crouching position or to push them back a couple of feet. Otherwise this just deals D rank bludgeoning damage.
    Weaknesses:
    Mizu Ransu can only produce one lance at a time, so it is useless against attacks that come from all directions. It's firepower is only equivalent to a small wave in comparison. The Coordination drops a rank for every 10m it travels until it reaches the 20m mark. In which case the line falters to splatters on the ground.

    Classification being "Open" means anybody can learn your technique. Is this what you want?

    Remove the Requirements. The Ninjutsu skill is not required for D-rank Ninjutsu, and Water is already listed in the element section.

    Water Lance produces a line body of water at the target as it serves to slam onto the target. It's task is simply to stop the target's movement or to even ward off projectiles provided the user can react on time.

    How is this produced? Does the user exhale it? Does it require a preexisting water source? Does it come out of their hands?

    Also give more detail about the lance. Is it a torrent of water? Or a spiraling drill-like figure?

    The lance has the potential to either knock the target(s) down to the ground in a crouching position or to push them back a couple of feet.

    Remove this part entirely. How another character reacts to your technique depends on a variety of situations, such as their position and stats.

    Otherwise this just deals D rank bludgeoning damage.

    Also remove this part. "D-rank Bludgeoning Damage" isn't a thing. Since this is a water technique your damage is based on the density and speed of the water you're creating. Seeing as this is a D-rank technique, and is only going D-tier Speed, the damage will not be very significant.


    I will tell you that you can increase the Speed of the technique up to C-tier by adding "Preexisting Water Source" to the Requirements area. This adds a weakness to the technique, and makes it easier on your character who simply needs to guide and shape water, instead of actually creating water and then projecting it like a missile using their own chakra.



    Lastly, feel free to ditch the Weakness portion entirely. It is not required for such a low-ranking technique.


    _________________
    Strength: C
    Constitution: B
    Stamina: C
    Speed: B
    Coordination: B
    Intelligence: C
    Perception: B

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