[Flash Back] Opening Hearts

Miyu was excited … or at least she should have been. Months of Intense study, countless hours of physical training and preparation, all paid off. She got a name, was part of the Ryuutei, and was officially "family" with Midiori.

But the darkness she lived with all of her life still clung to her. Still sunk it's fangs into her while the countless shards of her pain still cut away at her soul. In a way it was worse now, because before, she had nothing to lose. She didn't really exist. Just a ghost that was barely noticed, before being forgotten just as quickly.

But now. With Midiori. She had a new fear, the fear of losing her. Over these last few months she grew adept at working on throwing a smile to hide it, but when she felt that tenuous safety was threatened. She discovered a side to her that sickened her to her very core. Not because of what it drove her to do, but because of how great it felt for those fangs, those shards, to no longer hurting her. But going after other's for a change.

Miyu shook those thoughts from her mind the best she could and threw on her brightest smile as she walked out of her and Midiori's shack, after all. If you look happy, smile, and are useful you're wanted. If you don't? You're simply tossed aside and unnecessary.

Midori couldn’t be more proud. She had been training Miyu for months to work her way through the trial with the highest possible safety buffer, and she had done extremely well. Satori had helped too here and there, but she was already smart, if a touch unstable and random, but her body had been weak. That was one of the few things that Midori was extremely confident in, and would never bend on in her life, so she had done her best to get her into shape.

And now she was named.

Officially accepted into the Ryuutei clan as a named member, it didn’t matter that she was adopted into the clan now; she was an equal, and actually greater than some of the full blooded clan members that had yet to take on the challenge of being named… but something was bothering the dark green haired girl… she felt… something off. Something that was eating away at her instincts, sending warnings… warnings that she was missing something about her little adoptive sister.

She had never been one to take her instincts lightly.

As Miyu emerged, she was standing there in her black workout outfit, waiting for Miyu so they could go on their morning jog. It would help clear both their minds, and they could talk things out during breakfast.

[1]

Miyu came out all rainbows and sunshine as she jogged up Midiori, "Hiya Midiori! Can you believe it? All that training paid off! I mean, I still can't seem to get physically stronger like you and Satori, but I did get a lots more stamina, and super nimble. Like a snake!"

And from there they'd do there morning run. While she hadn't gotten faster at how fast she could go, or how strong her blows we're. Her bodies ability to adapt and preserver gave her hope that she could slowly catch up.

Cause Miyu wasn't just running to get in shape, but running to close the ever widening gap in their physical abilities before they left her behind. And when those thoughts arose she'd push herself even harder telling Midori, "I'm catching up!"

< I can't let you leave me behind! If you go where I can't reach you, I'll be all alone again >

(2)

Midori nodded, smiling at her relation to the snake in her comment, something that she was growing more and more accustomed to as far as the animal kingdom was concerned. The taller girl’s natural aptitude for dealing with the beasts of the wild was something that she had originally been surprised by, but was growing more and more comfortable with by the day.

Miyu was getting stronger too, able to pass her naming test and with far more efficiency than she herself was capable of when she had done it. Miyu was a prodigy, although the taller girl would admit getting used to calling her Miyu instead of Genkai had proven to be a challenge. The home they were building was coming along nicely, and today proved that it would be productive and busy, but there was no reason not to do their morning jog.

It was nice to see her sister pushing herself to such a degree. “Pace yourself, little one.” It was said out of love, and to ensure she could finish the jog; they usually went for about ten miles in a little under an hour. Midori could go faster, sure, but getting Miyu in shape was important, plus that wasn’t the purpose of this part of their training. Mostly, this was just to wake up and get moving for the day.

[2]

During the run, Miyu thought back to her Naming Ceremony. The fight itself was the most challenging part of the ordeal, but the constant training Midori gave her helped out in spades, while she wasn't the best at hard style strikes.

Her dexterity, fluid thinking, and nimbleness was great at completely changing tactics in battle, and striking at joints, and more soft styles using her opponents actions against them. But it came across as chaotic and without a concrete style.

Thankfully Midori encouraged it. Working on the premise of "if it felt natural do it until it happens without conscious thought." And these runs built up her Stamina immensely.

She looked at Midori and said between soft pants, "Thank you for all of this. Your training really helped me when it came to that fight. I hope I keep growing stronger so I can be a challenge for you one day. Really help push you further, cause as I am, I keep seeing you and Satori get ever stronger … and I need to keep up."

Her words while earnest held the tiniest threads of apprehension underlining it. A shadow of her fear of being left behind showing through, as they hit the Midway point and her mind went back to the fight in question.

(3)

Midori gave Miyu a small but warm smile and a nod at the thanks she gave. “You do challenge me. Already you are sharper than me. You know why Satori always wins? Truthfully, I am stronger physically, but he is sharper than a Kunai. More than one way to be strong. Be true to you.” It was the unvarnished truth too, as much as she hated to admit it, she had been bested more often than not with his brain power than an actual combat of physical strength. She knew she could definitely take more hits than he could, but he was so agile, smart and fast that he compensated for it in a way that she couldn’t compare with.

That being said, she focused on her thoughts and worry about Miyu’s mentality. She too had fallen into that particular train of thought more than once, training even harder than her body wanted to allow simply because she wanted to catch up. It had led her to a dark place in her mind, and she wondered if perhaps this was something that was indicative of the warning her instincts were on about. It was possible, she supposed, but she was going to wait until they had food in front of them. Nothing like a good meal to keep from sinking into a depression from a gloomy discussion.

[3]

”Wow! That’s the most words I’ve heard you say at once! Today must be a lucky day indeed … but, and I’m not saying let me win, we both know that’d tarnish the victory, but if being sharp is what helps him win. Then how come I can’t seem to get an upper hand? I mean compared to you, I almost have pity on who they set me up with. It was so easy that it was sad almost.”

And it was. She didn’t know if because she was as small as a kindergartener, or because she hid her true emotions behind a consistently cheerful demeanor, or simply because she made herself useful around the clan with her ability to build whatever she put her mind too. But when it came time to fight, they must have given her the weakest opponent they could find to give her a “fighting chance”. It was a little insulting, and while she was glad she was in the clan. It was as she told Midori just now if she pulled the same thing, a hollow victory. If she actually cared about the clan beyond checking off a box to be Midori’s real family. It would’ve broken her little heart.

Feeling a frown creep up on her, she shook her head and subconsciously gave an angry snort as she shook those feelings away. Hoping Midori wouldn’t notice, ”It doesn’t matter. I’m in. I’m Midori’s real family. Why would I care about how?” Miyu muttered under her breath. Or at least she hoped it was, with the speed she was putting in, she couldn’t actually tell the volume of her voice at the moment.

But it was freakishly easy. They were both chained to the ground, as was the custom. But the enemy looked worn out and ragged, rather than a fair fight where they were both rested. And even the enemy, knowing if they killed her would be going free. Seemed to have pity on her. At least until she eventually got a good hit in. Then they were angry enough to go after her.

It was strange, after fighting with Midori for what felt like ages. Getting training and experience in the field of combat. The person before her, a common bandit they gathered, was no match at all. Miyu’s slippery and agile nature in a fight, and the chains providing good material was able to trap him. All tussled up.

With her only getting a few very minor scrapes and bruises in the process. And with a quick attack the throat, watched as he bled out before her. Neither satisfaction, nor joy in the act. Not like she did when hunting, nor even exhilaration of being pushed to her limits like her spars with Midori.

Just a flash of understanding. And a truth opening up to her. It and the knowledge that sacrificing that person’s life meant being with Midori was what gave her rise to the name that came to her. Miyu, “Beautiful Truths”. Sadly that was the only beautiful thing about it.

As the run eventually came to an end. Miyu went deeper into her thoughts, the tiniest shadow falling over her face as a thread of anger wiggled in her mind, < Is that why I’m not happy and feeling melancholic? Over something that doesn’t even matter? I won, I harvested him, and felt the peace of mind and spirit I do when doing that while thanking the dead as taught by the Ryuutei. Then they made me an honorary member of the clan. I did it, all the hard work I did paid off. Now they hopefully won’t just kick me out or forget about me, and I can finally know what having a family means. If it means anything at all … just as long as I don’t lose Midori like I did all the others. >

(4)

Midori nodded, knowing that it wasn’t very often that she spoke a lot, but she could have sworn they had talked more than this before. Perhaps not. Her memory was fallible, just like anyone else’s, so it was possible they hadn’t talked all that much; Midori did say a lot in the way of body language, and considering how long she had been this way, that could easily have translated in her mind to having a long and thorough conversation.

She heard her complaints about the ease in which the trial had been done, and even the mutterings under her breath, and hearing that dissatisfaction, she understood and wanted to address it. But she was wrong, and it needed correcting. “You won easily because you are smart, and didn’t get cocky. Nothing wrong with wanting a better fight...” Satori would have won even easier than Miyu had if he hadn’t let the position get to his head… and that put Miyu in the same category. As far as being unhappy with how easy that fight had gone, she understood; it was as though it was a blow to her pride as much as she had been overprepared.

But that was life. If she wanted a real fight, she lived with someone who would give it to her, any time, any where. Running, she stated the next bit of information as pure, unvarnished fact, as though it was as simple as commenting about the weather. “You will surpass me too. Too smart not to. Just need to have your body catch up with your mind.” She was agitated with Satori because he was the green haired girl’s rival, and he had left her in the dust, but that was why she pushed herself so very hard to catch him.

Besides, Miyu had her own rival, much to the unfortunate mess in her home could attest to. At least they cleaned up after themselves.

[4]

”Yeah, I was, wasn’t I? Still, I do need a better fight. I don’t know it’s just that … I kind of feel like it was too easy. And I really do need to find some way to have a real challenge, something that I can push myself to the brink everyday to push me to become stronger. I mean our training is good, but … it feels like it’s not serious? No that’s not it … not pushing me as hard and as far as I need to reach up to your and Satori’s level? Like you’re holding back? I don’t even know how to put it … I just feel as if I could become a stronger ninja, but I’m just not good enough?” Miyu’s tone was filled with a mix of uncertainty and frustration.

Taking a deep breath she added, [color]”I don’t even know what I’m trying to say. I just see you and Satori going further and further ahead of me, and it seems like no matter how hard I struggle, I’m just not catching up, I’m getting smarter and agile, and my spirit is stronger than ever. But my combat ability? My skill I need to break through whatever that part of you I can’t seem to see past or breakthrough to is just not good enough. I’m not good enough. Not yet, and I don’t know, hell I don’t even know what I’m trying to say, just I want to help you as much as you helped me, but there’s this unsurmountable wall keeping me further and further away from you two, you know? It’s like some day you’ll go so far ahead of me you’ll leave me behind like everyone else eventually does, and I don’t even know the emotions and words that I’m feeling.”[/color]

And that was the real wrinkle. Myu trained alongside Midori everyday. Was trained to pass the ceremony. But in the end, all she saw was an image of Midori and Satori growing to places she couldn’t reach. Getting to areas that were bar beyond her understanding, and all the while. There was a wall, a barrier between her and Midori. She knew she should be happy to get as close as she was, that trust, and being let in as far as she had was a gift.

But it didn’t stop the ever perceptive Miyu from noticing that there was something that she couldn’t grasp, couldn’t understand, didn’t know about her guardian and savior that Midori didn’t want to let her see. And wanting to give everything she could to Midori, and do everything to be good enough to stand by her side as an equal. She just felt lost. And her words would convey that desperation and loss.

Midori was actually the only person she knew that she actively let her guard drop around, let all the little masks she wore to protect others from seeing her true emotions. Let her see her vulnerability. It was just as rare and with just as few, as Midori letting others in as far as she did Miyu. To let others see beyond the shield, beyond the mask, even if only on occasions. It was only something Midori got to see. Everyone else? They got to see rainbows and sweetness, a sugary shield that kept others at bay under the guise of love and cheerfulness.

(5)

Midori understood Miyu’s logic. She hadn’t allowed the comparably tiny ninja to conduct the trial until Midori was absolutely certain that she was going to succeed with a relatively large margin of safety. They had even had mock battles where she had trained her to take advantage of just about any scenario she found herself in, from up-playing the idiot underestimating her and looking weak until she got under their guard to facing a foe that took her seriously straight out of the gate and everything inbetween. She also understood her frustrations about not being able to get stronger and chasing someone who constantly seemed to be pulling ahead.

She had been doing the same exact thing with Satori, and in her pursuit of the man and rival, she had left Miyu behind, and that was her fault. As much as she hated to admit it, she probably couldn’t learn much more from Midori in the style that was going to be so vitally important to helping her grow. She needed to learn how to fight like a thinker, not like a Berserker… and that was outside Midori’s field of expertise. Sure, she could continue to help her train her body and such, but she would need a new teacher to reach those higher levels of combat. “You should increase your lessons with Satori. He is a thinker. Will help you grow since you are a thinker too. We are family… we don’t leave each other behind.”

It was a statement that was said with such resolution that it couldn’t be contested. Even Satori had taken valuable time to help Midori any chance he got, doing research on her behalf and training with her any time he got the opportunity. The frequency had decreased because he became clan head, but never had he completely shirked that duty; and she was catching up, slowly, but surely.

Miyu was open and honest about her feelings though, as often enough happened during their time alone and during their runs, something that Midori treasured. Around everyone else, she was the slightly unstable ray of sunshine that you couldn’t wipe the smile off of, but with her, she would drop the mask. She remembered the day… about a week or so after taking Miyu in, when she had continuously chopped her in the head, repeating ‘drop the act’ until she finally had. Once that barrier was down, and Miyu realized that Midori wasn’t going to judge her or react poorly to her feelings, she had opened up, and it helped them both greatly.

They came to an end of their run, and it was time to start making breakfast as Midori jogged up the steps to their home, her skin gently glistening with sweat. The kitchen had been one of the first things they had completed, and making breakfast was quick and easy. It would take Miyu a little more time to get herself together probably, as she wasn’t used to the running as much as the tall green-haired teen, but she was getting there steadily.

[5]

Miyu nodded at Midori’s advice. She needed her body to absorb new experiences and new problems so it could adapt to whatever it came across. It’s how her combat style progressed, constantly pitting herself against Midori and Satori whenever he had the time. But bit by bit, experience by experience she was growing more. Her body learning how to counter what it had already been adapted to. It was freeing in a sense, since when she fought, she didn’t have to think; didn’t have to feel; simply lost herself in the moment.

Her flowing instinctively through each move taught, reacting to everything in her sight, a constant feeling of utter freedom from everything. Where she could push herself harder and harder, and feel the rush and joy of the experience afterwards. And Satori being smart could give her tons of experiences to soak up, to take her to the next level.

”True, he could give me plenty of experiences to soak up. But we’ll still be able to fight everyday right? I mean I’ve got to beat your growth into me so I can know how far you’ve grown and where I need to reach. But someday, I’ll get good enough to stand on level ground with you and Satori.”

As Midori walked in to get breakfast started the panting and puffing Miyu dredged herself to the kitchen after Midori. Falling with a slump she’d rest her head on the table while letting the food get cooked. Letting her body recover from the exertion of the massive run.

(6)

Midori wanted to look towards the ground as she spoke about ‘growth’. Sure, she might be overall more physically fit, but the truth of it was she was stagnant, and hadn’t really felt any growth since her time in the academy, no matter how hard she pushed herself. She had tried just about every training idea she could come up with and yet no results; but that wasn’t for Miyu to think about and worry over, it was something she would overcome, her pride demanding that she come up with a solution.

“You do stand level with me, Little One.” This was said proudly, without hesitation or remorse and with a gentle smile on her face. If anything, they had both been left in the dust by Satori, unable to really keep up as he grew in leaps and bounds. She would need to address this sooner than later, but for now she would simply keep on keeping on.

Frying the eggs, she soon added the potatoes and bacon into her signature breakfast scramble, putting a bowl with bananas, grapes, oranges and apples to the side. She made a considerable amount; they weren’t Ryuutei, so maybe it wasn’t all that much compared to them, but it was still quite a bit for two people. Midori understood the importance of the first meal of the day, and after filling the area of the smell of her heavenly cooking, she scrambled the last of it up and put it into a pair of large bowls, grabbed some spoons and set the table. As always, she waited for Miyu to take the first bite, watching her reaction.

[6]

As always Miyu took the first bite, lifting her head off the table she stabbed her fork into it and let the taste fill her. Everything about it was amazing, how the bacon’s juices coated both the eggs and the crisped to perfection eggs. The light seasoning added. The light fluffiness of the eggs. She read somewhere that only the greatest of chefs when they cooked, made a meal that let you see “them” in their cooking.

And Midori always did that. She felt a gurgle of bliss escape her as her face went rapturous at the taste. Before tearing into the meal with gusto. Her earlier fatigue vanishing as she all but inhaled the heavenly dish. Quickly nabbing seconds, before digging in with more attention to savoring the dish, than getting as much as possible. Occasionally snaking her fork to stab at a bit of fruit to add to the overall experience.

“You know, I really want to be as good as a cook as you someday. Make a special something for you that’s every bit as yummy as you make for us,” Miyu said with a face splitting grin. Sure she knew that cooking was Midori’s thing, but being spoiled by these everyday, she couldn’t help but be inspired … especially when her food usually turned out …’odd’. Either that or most people found it unfit for human consumption (although Miyu didn’t see a problem with food that moved, even if it was supposed to be a PB&J, or somehow making toast both a liquid and charred.).

And just like that, she’d have the push needed to shove all those things that were bugging her away under the bliss of a good meal. After all it wasn’t like Midori needed to know the real depths of her emotional problems, and she was going to make progress in other areas. As long as she kept growing, and was good enough not to get caught when exacting righteous vengeance, nothing needed to change. Although at the thought of the last bit she couldn’t help if her grin turned to a slight mix of shame and grim satisfaction for just a second. Before drowning it out with 3rds.

(7)

Once she had taken the first bite and Midori got the reaction that the little woman was in bliss, she turned to her own food, eating it efficiently but taking a bit of time to savor the taste. She hated what she was about to do; talking didn’t really sit with her all that well about anything, and the green haired girl hated to admit that she needed to do this, here and now. There was going to be a lot of talking involved, but it was a necessity if they were going to be able to move forward at all. If things weren’t out in the open, they would never get better… So she nodded to the comment about being able to cook as good as Midori did, and then drew in a breath.

“Something is eating at you. I can feel it.” And the pin had been pulled on the grenade of this topic. Midori knew that this conversation was probably going to lead to some pain from both sides, but leaving it alone would wind up destroying them both if she let it linger and fester. And besides, that wasn’t how Midori dealt with problems. She was a missile; once she found her target, she sought it out and destroyed the problem with as much brute force as needed, and didn’t give up even if the world was against her.

She continued to eat her food like it wasn’t that serious of a conversation, but Midori’s dark green eyes told a different story; this was no time for games or trying to sugar coat things. She was being deadly serious and was giving the topic her full attention.

[7]

Of all the things Midori could have asked, she had to ask that, Miyu could feel the cringe and shy grimace that came over her at Midori’s blunt statement, ”Why would something be eating at me? Hahaha...he. I mean we’re family now for real, not just a guest. So I’m totally happy! All the happy! Yay!” She punctuated that last bit with barely enthusiastic wave of her hands.

Sighing she shook her head slightly, ”Honestly I’m happy to have earned my place here … it’s just … nothing important. No need to burden yourself.”

She felt the glare forming when Miyu tried to skirt something, either that or a chop was coming her way. So sighing harder, she tried talking about, ”Sorry it’s just not easy talking about my emotions, I go by the life motto ‘it doesn’t matter, no one cares’ … it’s just, I have a lifetime of memories showing me really letting in others is a quick way to lose everything and I really don’t want to lose this. This is the first time I feel like I’m not a ghost, that I can know that I’m real … if I lose this I don’t know what will happen to me.”

By this time Miyu would start crying, and the look on her face showed that even showing that much was painful for her.

(

Midori’s eyes narrowed as she continue to play her little facade about being happy, because she knew better than to act like that when the green haired teen was being serious. The second bit of information was what she was looking for, but still the tiny woman refused to bring it up, and Midori wanted to get up and chop her in the head, but hesitated. This was different. This wasn’t something that required discipline, but patience. It wasn’t that she was hiding it from the green haired teen, it was that she didn’t want to burden her, and so, Midori took in a breath and sighed.

“I told you from the beginning. You can’t lose me, and I won’t lose you, unless it is by your choice.” She couldn’t lock her down indefinitely, so a little escape clause in there was necessary, but she was basically saying that as long as Miyu wanted Midori around, she would be there for her, come hell or high water. She then leaned forward, giving Miyu a gentle kiss on the forehead.

It was a genuine symbol her her love for the tiny ninja, and wasn’t something that came along every day, but it had happened a couple of times since they had been together. Midori wasn’t exactly the touchy-feely type, but she knew that Miyu thrived on physical affection, so naturally the taller girl tried to provide that when it looked like the comparably tiny girl needed it most.

[8]

Midori had said that since the beginning, but Miyu’s heart wasn’t one to trust that, having been hurt so often, and it treated so carelessly. She was going to clam up when Midori kissed her forehead, it was a rare act of physical affection. But Miyu felt the love from it, and it was another thing that scared her, since she never had anyone in her life love her before, and that surety and solidarity of her emotion let Miyu feel the truth. So against her better judgement, she let down the last real wall between them, the one thing she kept from Midori.

< If there is someone watching over me. Please don’t let Midori see whatever horrible thing within me everyone else sees that causes them to leave me. Please let me have this … just for a little while longer,> Miyu prayed as she took a deep breath and before walking over and wiggling closer to the taller ninja. If this was going to be the last time she had with Midori, she at least wanted to be held one last time.

“You never really got to see it, I told you when we first met. If you smile, look happy, and are useful you’re wanted. If you’re aren’t you’re tossed away and forgotten. So I got really damn good at smiling and looking happy no matter what, and this clan can attest to me being really damn useful.

“But everyday there’s this … this darkness in me, that I doubt a calm, controlled, and perfect ninja like you can grasp. Every day, a sea of loneliness, fear, and endless self loathing that at times makes me question why I don’t just kill myself eats at me every day. While thousands of little shards of my soul like knives cut into me, killing me a little day by day. Memories that show that I’m not good enough, that no matter what I do people who say they care about me will abandon me, memories showing that there’s some ugly, evil thing within me that I can’t see but everyone else does.

“And I just try day by day to shield others from it with a smile. If they dont know I’m suffering, then I’m not a burden … but honestly, becoming your family, you choosing me … in ways it’s so much scarier.” The more she said, the more rushed and panicky it came across as she dropped her shields and looked at that sickly mass within her. And let it come to the surface, rather than bottled down. At least at first, but by the time she got to the pain her memories were causing her, the unfairness and pain it caused. Her tone would turn more heated and angry, and her skin would turn flushed with rage.

But as she spoke the dams burst, and it was one of those moments that if interrupted might stop her from continuing. But it would also be the first time that Midori had ever heard or seen Miyu livid. Or heard her swear outside of a stubbed toe, or a bashed finger.

Her breathing started to become more ragged, and her body would shake while in Midori’s grasp as she continued, ”Cause now! Now I actually have something to lose! I have something that with every embrace makes me know I’m real! Let’s me know that I exist! It’s the only time I ever feel safe! But WHY DOES THAT MATTER! Who cares how I feel! Safety is just an illusion waiting to be ripped away, I never needed to feel safe before! So why in the ever loving fucks does it matter now?

“What really scares me though?! It’s not losing that, it’s what the fear of the thought of losing that tiny bit of stability and safety makes me feel. All the sudden I’m not drowning, the fangs of that darkness isn’t cutting into me all the fucking time. Instead it bares its fangs on someone else for a fucking change! AND IT FEELS FUCKING AMAZING! It feels freeing, and it feels great to just let it sweep me away. It feels fantastic to let it hurt others instead of myself. And knowing I feel that sickens me. And I have no knowledge on how to shield others from it. No idea on how to channel that, because I never cared before.

“And it scares me that one day, I’ll poison the wrong family, unlike the dozens I’ve already poisoned since being here that have gone after you. Or the three times I couldn’t find them, so I poisoned the food storage supplies instead and caught us food so you could be safe. That … that isn’t me … that’s not what I do … but when that weight is lifted, when it wants to hunt another soul that isn’t me … I don’t know what to do … and worse. I feel like I’ll go too far one day and lose everything I want to protect. I’ll loose you because you’ll see that ugly, evil thing inside me my parents saw when they abandoned me as a baby. You’ll see what the orphanage saw when they just let me disappear and forgot I existsed. What ever Hermit-Sensei, and the Sensei’s at the Engineering shop saw. What I can’t see in myself. And you’ll decide I’m best forgotten and discarded … and I wait for that day everyday. Cause I know it’s only a matter of time before this dream ends, and I lose everything all over again. It’s my destiny to lose everything, to be a ghost, forgotten and unloved. Hell if I were to kill myself today, no one would care that I was gone.”

With that, all of her emotions would be spent, and she’d go from screaming in rage to dead asleep in Midori’s arms.


[9]

Midori held Miyu through it all, not once even bothering to loosen or tighten her grip, but instead just letting her vent completely and openly. Midori had these moments in her own life, and while she didn’t really have anyone to vent to outside of Satori, that made their relationship all the more valuable. That meant that this, right here right now, was equal to the same thing, if not stronger, than Midori’s bond with Satori, and she would treat the situation with the respect it deserved.

The green haired girl thought she had shown the little ninja that she wouldn’t be tossed away so casually… thought that she had been able to provide her the security that she wanted… but she was wrong. Apparently doubt still ate at her, and because Midori wasn’t the type to pry normally, and that Miyu was not one to open up about it easily, the combination made for a very prickly situation where things were getting out of hand for her little sister very quickly. Of course she had proven her worth, been named, and a dozen other things that should have helped her feel more connected, like she belonged, but the past showed her that it wasn’t as set in stone as Midori would have liked it to be for Miyu.

The talk of darkness within was also something that formed a kinship there… and while she wanted to interject that she was far from the embodiment of perfection that Miyu claimed, she didn’t interrupt, knowing that would make her shut down again. The mention of her killing herself was something that Midori herself had considered because of her own fear of her power, but she didn’t have much of a choice… she had to live for others now.

Even when Miyu raged, Midori held strong, not swaying in the slightest, waiting until she had gotten everything off her chest and out in the open. The mention of poisoning others as a means of defending Midori was going to be addressed to… that couldn’t be allowed to stand. Once it was all said and done, Miyu was fast asleep, having worn herself out from venting and Midori waited patiently, using the time to properly formulate her reply and letting the tiny woman sleep.

Once she was starting to wake, it was her turn to talk… as much as she didn’t like talking a lot, this was one of those times it would need to happen. “You are being open, honest and transparent. I will do the same.” That was the precursor, what would lead into the hard hitting truths that were about to be shown and told to her. She was family… she could be trusted, just as Miyu had trusted her darkness to Midori.

“I am far from perfect. I control my emotions because I am dangerous if they get out of hand. You are not the only one with darkness within you, Little One, and that darkness comes in many forms. If you want to shield others from seeing it, that is fine, but do not feel that need for me. If anything, if I see you hiding your emotions again while we are alone, you will wish for something as gentle as a chop to the head.” She didn’t want there to be any mistake; Midori wanted her to be honest around her, as honesty was important to her, especially with someone who was family.

“Some people cannot handle stress… others can’t handle responsibility… those before? They couldn’t handle you. I am not them. The Ryuutei are not them. They are far from the scum that would cast you out on a whim, because it’s the ‘easy’ way out. Just as you worry about losing me, and your home, I worry about losing myself, or hurting those I love.” She paused, giving her a gentle squeeze as her voice continued, calm and controlled for the moment; that wouldn’t last much longer.

“You are allowed to feel safe with me. You fill me with fulfillment, feed my soul, knowing that you love me like family. You were not the only one abandoned… when I was but a child, my mother was butchered in front of my eyes. My father, unable to control his rage, left me with Satori’s family and left, abandoning me to a clan that I had no choice but to try to accept as a means of survival. Over time, it has become my family, and you too.” Her voice than got cold for a moment. “If you ever were to harm yourself, or worse, kill yourself and leave me, I would not stop until I hunted you down in the afterlife and made you regret that permanent solution to a problem that we can fix, here,now.”

Her tone leveled out again, and she continued unabated. “This safety is no illusion, it is something earned. Built. Strong. It only waivers when your faith in its strength does. Believe in it, and it will never fail you, nor will I. Controlling that want to lash out… it is difficult. I would know, and I will show you what I mean in a moment… but it must be controlled, or you really will lose me if things go too far. Besides, when have I not been able to handle my enemies? If you see something, tell me, and I will crush them myself.”

“You will never lose me, Little One. Until my dying breath, I will be there for you… but you need to know what you are signing up for if you plan to promise the same.” She slowly put Miyu onto her chair and stood up, ensuring she had plenty of space around her, and performed Calming Steps before she suddenly grew massively in every way. Muscles bulging, her hair turning light green and sticking up in every direction like knives, her eyes glowing with power, and her skin turned nearly completely black. She was nearly eight feet tall now, an absolutely massive figure, and as she spoke, her voice sounded borderline demonic. “This is what I become if I lose my temper… if the rage that pushes on my soul gets loose. The first time it happened, I almost killed Satori, during my trial.”

Considering how much she treasured family, how much she had just told her about the abandonment issues that were constantly a weight on her heart, the significance of Midori almost killing the person she cared about the same way as Miyu cared about Midori would not be lost on the tiny ninja. This form, this power, was extremely dangerous, and would make her lose her sense of self. After a few moments, Midori shrank back down to normal, and was panting, her hands shaking as she tried to get herself back under control.

[9]

Miyu in the back of her mind noticed the strength and embrace of Midori. It was that same safety that let her spill everything out until she was left hollow and drained. She didn’t remember falling asleep afterwards, but woke up slowly still held in Midori’s arms. Still felt that safety and love that she had grown to cherish. And when Midori started speaking, Miyu felt it only fair to listen, and when she said that she was going to be open and honest. All Miyu did was nod and give an affirmative hum, to let her know she had her utmost attention as she leaned against Midori’s chest.

As Midori spoke of her own darkness, Miyu felt a stab of pain, not from Midori not being perfect. But rather she had a pain that Miyu didn’t see. Although it made sense, even as close as they were Miyu always felt a wall between them. A part of Midori she couldn’t reach. It was one of the many reasons she was so worried of Midori growing so far and fast that she couldn’t reach her.

But now she knew why, and in her heart of hearts. She felt a connection deeper than anything she ever felt form between them. A connection of shared pains, and darknesses. A commonality that only the two of them could ever truly understand. A sacred bond that was deeper than blood, or even such trivial things, as Miyu saw them, as the word ‘family’. But if that word were to ever have any real meaning, if it would to have a form to it. It would be that spark she felt between them.

Her eyes would widen at that, and she would hug Midori with all the might and love her heart could give. Trying to convey her feelings through her hug, and when Midorit told Miyu that if she ever hid her emotions she would wish for something as pleasant as a head chop. Miyu felt her head tilt and eyebrows crinkle in confusion. A part of her wanting to ask what would happen, but another part knew that she needed to show the same respect that Midori showed her.

The squeeze she got from Midori filled her with warmth before she felt a slight chill as Midori talked about the others from before, and felt a flare of rage within her heart rise up. But felt it squashed as Midori continued.

When Midori talked about her mother’s murder and her being abandoned Miyu felt tears burst from her eyes as she held Midori tighter. Maybe it was knowing the pain of loss, maybe it was Miyu picturing her losing someone who was most important to her, maybe it was even being able to sympathise. But she felt a deep sorrow raw and ragged pour from her heart. And cried the tears that Midori couldn’t. As if she was doing all the crying for both of them.

When she had controlled herself and grieved for people she never even knew. Midori told her there was one final secret, one last thing she needed to know before agreeing to really be family. To “know what she was signing up for.”

She was sat in her own chair and watched as Midori went through her exercise she did to control herself. And she witnessed Midori change. At first she felt pure awe, and the stars in her eyes and look of admiration would say the same, but as the change continued she felt a stirring of something else. But much like her other interactions with Midori, or the grief from earlier. This strange emotion welled within her, yet felt a stranger at the same time.

Her eyes would grow hard and she’d walk up to the new Midori carefully. She would have her head tilted not looking directly at her, but at an angle as she usually did when focusing on something not in her immediate vicinity, or on a really hard problem. ”I know my rage … this isn’t mine … who’s is it?”

With that her head would tilt and seemingly focus on nothing as she slowly made her way to Midori, her head twitching and hands flexing as if they were trying to touch something not there. Until she reached her knee.

She would look up and ask, ”Is this nearly bottomless rage that just wants to destroy everything around you what you deal with everyday?

And with new found respect would hug what amount of the other Midori’s leg, and try to push her unconditional love through the buffering of rage through her hug, ”I love you Midori. Always and forever, And other than feeling a flickering of pure wrath, I like this new form. If you really want help controlling it … we can do it together. I trust you.” and her words would be free of judgement, fear, unclouded by anything other than pure love and unwavering trust.

As Midori shrunk back down, Miyu would redouble her hug, ”From here on out. No secrets between us ever. No hiding things. We work together to grow stronger in mind and heart. And we shoulder each other’s darknesses, we help each other with them. And let’s make a promise to always be there to help each other. Okay? I’ll help you with that rage and that darker side of you … who’s really cool looking by the way. And you can help me with whatever. If I’m signing on to this. No half measures. No keeping each other at arm’s length, we’re in it together all the way. Alright? And I will make another promise to you. Pledged with all my heart. I promise to never be afraid of you, I might get scared of things you do, or consequences of my actions. But never of you. So no more walls keeping me away, okay? Those walls were painful for me.”


[10]

Midori was relieved that Miyu wasn’t overly freaking out, terrified of her new form and scrambling to get away like some people got. The threat of violence came off in waves, the rage that she always held back and contained within her mind seeping out of her pores and threatening to overtake her senses. She managed, of course, because of the Calming Steps, to keep it under control, but it was not without some difficulty. It was interesting because, as Miyu approached her carefully, she looked positively tiny in comparison to this form as Midori was a walking titan, muscles bulging in all forms and her skin nearly black.

The first question took Midori off guard. She could feel that rage coming off of her, something that she needed to control, but it didn’t have a direction right now, so it just poured out in all directions, and Miyu, who was always a bit emotionally empathetic, was particularly susceptible to it. Immediately the green haired girl felt a pang of guilt ring through her body, unable to deny the fact that it was definitely her fault that she was feeling that rage and anger course through her as well. The second question made her thankful that Miyu was as smart as she was, because the little girl figured it out pretty quickly, and more than anything, seemed to be in awe.

Midori simply nodded.

As Miyu hugged her overly large leg, Midori would reach down and put a single large black hand on her back, giving her the most gentle of hugs back. Of course she would like this new form, the silly little girl… not that she wasn’t ready to tear apart the entire area around them or anything, but despite the danger, she somehow found a way to make her feel a bit less guilty about showing her what she was dealing with.

Part of Midori was a bit afraid for her though; having a healthy respect for power, while not necessarily the same as fear, was supposed to be something that kept you alive. The way Miyu was acting, she wasn’t afraid in the slightest, and certainly didn’t know enough about this form to have the proper healthy respect for it. That would need to be addressed another time, but now wasn’t the proper moment… for now, they needed to seal this bond they had. She wanted to help her control it, and Midori waited until she shrunk back down to respond; in this form, she sounded like a demon so it was best to wait.

“I cannot become a danger to those I love. It must be controlled. But yes, no more secrets… from either of us. No more walls. We have a problem, we face it together.” She gave Miyu another squeeze and then flinched as her muscles complained about using that form; she needed to practice with it, but Miyu wasn’t strong enough to stop her if things got out of hand. Her and Satori would be good though… she was certain of that. Grimacing, she moved back to the chair and took a seat. It would be pretty obvious what was going on for the smaller woman.

[10]

As Midori grimaced and sat in her chair, Miyu would hop up and sit on her lap, wiggling closer to the taller girl’s body for warmth and closeness, ”You know if you train in that form more often, it might be easier for you in the long run? I mean we can train with it, meditate with it, really dig deep and study it … that and it’s deep, rumbly voice is super cool. I wish I could do that.” Miyu sighed happily.

”But if you don’t want it to be a danger, then it’s best not to run from it. We need to find a way to control it when you’re in there, and to be able to find ways to use it effectively … well that and if it’s something you can turn on and off, no problems. If you know what causes it, well, we can either stop it, or deal with the source to make it less problematic.

“But remember we made a promise. From now on, from now and forever. We’ll face everything together and shoulder each other’s burdens … but what do we do now? I mean … I did technically give the clan multiple cases of non-lethal food poisoning, and I was able to track down and just poison several others in these last few weeks. I should probably accept whatever punishment I have coming for my actions.”

She would hug Midori as tight as she could, and nuzzle her. Knowing that from here on out. They would be a strong team, and she could be herself, her full self, and not need to worry about losing her.

[11]

Midori winced again as Miyu hopped into her lap, the sore muscles complaining even at the little girl’s miniscule weight, but luckily as she finally got settled, the pain receded just as quickly as it had come. She proposed that she should train in that form and Midori shook her head. “Not until I find a way to clear the fog that clouds my mind. Without my technique, I would harm anyone and anything near me.” She couldn’t rely on the technique alone for that long or she would wind up regretting it when she was low on chakra and couldn’t keep it up.

She had to admit though, confronting the problem was probably the best way to handle it. It wasn’t like Midori to run from a problem; she hunted down the problem, obliterated it, and moved on. It was just how she was designed, perhaps something she picked up from her ass-hat father. She would figure that out eventually… he had a lot to answer for when she found him.

She mentioned a punishment for poisoning people in the clan, and Midori had the perfect punishment in mind for such an offense. “You will hunt, cook and throw a feast for the people of the clan as an apology.” It would be a lot of work, but the punishment needed to fit the crime, and no better way to make amends than to feed the people you hurt.

She hugged her tight, obviously not angry about it and considering the matter already settled.

[11]

// EXIT

Miyu nodded at Midori’s words and hummed toughtfully, ”Then I’ll help you find a way, and we’ll work on it everyday till we find a way to let you control it, and face it head on. Otherwise it’s no different than what I was doing, and I told you how bad that turned out when it failed. “

“But eventually, I want to be able to see you in that form lots and lots. And show you that I love you in that form and out of it … hopefully it’ll become less scary for you, and something we can embrace and bond over.”

Miyu would let Midori think about things, and get her thoughts in order. But when she told her what her punishment would be, Miyu couldn’t help but cringe. Sure it was fair, but on the flip side it would mean being around dozens of new people and trusting them near her. Rather than using feigned joy and subtle excuses for when crowds of people became too much and she needed an escape route. Worse, it meant having to truly admit that she was wrong. But …

”I’ll do it. It’ll take time, and you’ll need to teach me how to cook something fit for normal human consumption, but I’ll make it up to them for all the times I poisoned them as a whole.”

And with that she’d rest in Midori’s hug. Assured that all would be fine in the world.

// exit.
[12]